Saturday, July 23, 2011

Jay Jay Pistolet - Vintage Red

early morning internal bus rants

I thought I gave up on everything, turn out everything gave up on me.
There's more to me than just you,
I wish there wern't because I would be more happier if you were my everything and only.

my mind is never at ease.

when put in a group of people you learn about yourself,
with you actions and choices with your new surroundings.
But I think you learn even more when you are alone.
The thoughts you have.. and not making actions based on others makes you..happy(?)
when you feel neglected, rejected...
I want to find that place of belonging again.
Because nothing is permanent, people change as do their daily surroundings.
And i have changed, so have you.
And i dont think i like the things i once did.
im pretty fucking sure i dont.
i must not, im always fucking complaining.
maybe i haven't changed my lifestyle because im too used to this routine,
I've always done the best with whats given.
But what if its been taken away, given away-- basically gone.

im so far gone.

lost in yesterday, maybe 3 months ago.
whats the first step in change? for me its been aggressive action and cutting ties.
I didnt think that I would have unraveled this much.
time to put the pieces back together.
Is it better to have help or is this another self realization to find out on your own what you are made of and build up off the morals and standards you set.
Building up to that goal, you the realize then the ones lost never fit in with that goal.
I just hope the end of the tunnel was worth the digging to get there.
Because if this journey isn't worth the emotional fight i've put myself though,
well then fuck me.