Tuesday, September 13, 2011

i think i would be more happy, If i didnt have you worry about things

If i didnt have to pay for my own school i would be less stressed out about needing a job, and could buy what i wanted, to make me smile more often.

i think i would be more happy if i had a different job

I like the people ive met but i think its time for me to move on. ive already did that in some aspects of my life, but i think by staying i am not "being" to my full potential and just hold myself down more because im afraid... of change? or something different. im too set in the routeen.

i think i would be more happy if i wasnt so afraid.

i probably would be driving, and getting my friends back. i think thats another reason why i cant gain back the things I want from my old life, because i lost the respect and i can only gain it back on new terms, for one not being a liability and contribute to more than just conversations.

i think i would be more happy if i met his standards.

they are set high enough to make me better, but I am too difficult to not want to try. I think I have been making stupid ways to justify my reasons, but i keep thinking by not growing i just fall into this default state of "hopefully youll accept me today because you did yesterday."

nothing is permanent and feelings are no different.

i need earn your love.

i think i would be more happy if i could see the results of my labor.

but that would probably mean I would have to start doing labor. I really want to be a painter, but ever time I tried to pick up my brushes theres no inspiration that finishes a painting that i can be satisfied with.. how did it come so easy before?

i want to keep this note as positive as i can. but i need to kick myself in the ass if i want changes to occur.

i think i would be more happy if i lowered my standards, how can i expect so much from myself when i am not entirely myself..

i think i would be more happy if i became your friend again.

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